Makeup: A Hostage for Laser Treatment

One of those surveys that go around asks this question: if you were stranded on a desert island, what makeup item could you not live without? It’s an absurd question really, one that begs another question: why would you even wear makeup on a desert island in the first place? But for the sake of this blog, let’s just entertain the idea, shall we?

I have just about the saddest eyes in the world. The outer edges tip down and the only way for them to turn up and look halfway normal is to smile, but I can’t go around smiling all day for no apparent reason; that would be weird. People might assume that the counselor’s wife needs to be committed. To top off the sad tilt, I’ve got eyelashes that insist they must be golden blonde. They’re a lighter color than the hair on my head, and this is why I’m convinced that the God had absolutely no consideration for esthetics when he molded my face. He broke the mold, and not because he’d truly outdone himself, but because he knew he couldn’t make the same mistake twice.

As if the sad eyes weren’t unfortunate enough, I developed rosacea in my late teens, and it’s gotten worse with age. Rosacea is a chronic skin condition where the superficial blood vessels of the face are dilated. This dilation causes significant redness, sensitivity, puffiness, and scarring. Have I mentioned that my sad eyes are blue? Well, they are. My sad eyes with blue irises, surrounded by the white sclera, and then enhanced by chronic redness of rosacea makes me look almost as patriotic as an American flag.

Thank the good Lord for the smarty-pants chemists of the makeup industry! All of these reasons and more is why I love make up. Foundation is what keeps the grocery checkers at bay—because if I don’t wear makeup, I get at least three comments in a ten-minute shopping trip about how sunburnt I look. “Thank you for your sunblock advice,” I’ll say, “but this is just my glowing complexion.” I like watching their faces drop. It gives me satisfaction, even when I know it shouldn’t.

If I were stranded on a desert island and could only have one makeup item with me, I’d choose foundation. No, wait, mascara—because if my eyelashes pop, maybe people won’t notice the redness so much, but thanks to the honesty of grocery checkers, I know this wouldn’t be the case. Who am I kidding? I’d smuggle all the makeup items to that said desert island. Eye shadow, shimmering lip gloss, the works.

So, I’m going through an existential dilemma, I think. That, and I’ve been contemplating moving into a commune. No joke. I’ll tell you about it later... Anyway, I’m having a hard time imagining a housemate, who’s in dire need to pee, knocking on the bathroom door and my response is, “Excuse me, I cannot be bothered right now, otherwise I’ll get my lip liner crooked.” My point is, what is there to life when all I do is consume more than what is necessary? And what does it say about me when my daily consumptions include a twenty-dollar, water-resistant, blackest-black tube of vitamin-enriched mascara? And what does it say about me when this month’s biggest disappointment is that my favorite makeup company discontinued my beloved full-coverage foundation? Bring on the unsolicited sunblock advice!

So I’m giving up makeup. Slowly. It’s now been five days since I’ve worn eye makeup. I’m kind of chicken to give up foundation just yet though. Not until I go through all these vain laser treatments for rosacea. I’ll give up foundation after the redness is gone. I know, you are now stifling the urge to judge me, aren’t you? That’s okay. I judge myself too. I can’t quite seem to make the full plunge yet.

Stay tuned for my next existential dilemma: should I give up shampoo or not?